Here’s our run down of people we think you need to be following on Twitter and don’t worry there’s not a Rio Ferdinand in sight…
Behind every great hero is a great PR team
It’s totally okay to break up with someone if they say ‘The Phantom Menace’ was their favourite movie.
— Death Star PR (@DeathStarPR) May 30, 2013
Tales from Waterstones Oxford Street.
I shelve the books, my mind staring into space, occupied with the question that’s plagued man for centuries. What is a Flat White? And why?
— WaterstonesOxfordSt (@WstonesOxfordSt) May 20, 2013
Things heard in the Goldman Sachs elevators do not stay in the Goldman Sachs elevators.
#1: I tell every new hire the same thing. Spend that cash. No one needs a $100 million funeral. #2: Or a $50 million ex-wife.
— GS Elevator Gossip (@GSElevator) May 21, 2013
Erotica for the not-too-modern male. (not for the faint-hearted)
‘Harder!’ she cried, gripping the workbench even tighter, ‘Harder!’ ‘Alright,’ I said, ‘What’s the gross national product of Nicaragua?’
— Fifty Sheds of Grey (@50ShedsofGrey) April 21, 2013
We’ll Tweet what we want / We’ll Tweet what we want / We’re@MirrorFootball / And we’ll Tweet what we want
performer, writer, giver, taker, yeller, listener, love-lover, rule-hater.
dear irish journalist, don’t begin an interview by telling me sympathetically that everyone hates me and asking me how i feel about that. x — Amanda Palmer (@amandapalmer) June 12, 2013
I am an actor and a writer and I co-created @SoulPancake and my son, Walter
To make things easier i just call the NSA and read them my emails onto some dudes voice mail. — RainnWilson (@rainnwilson) June 12, 2013
Could you pass me that blanket?
Does that make me a bad person? — Shit Girls Say (@shitgirlssay) March 16, 2013
Off to open Broadcasting House for the BBC today. Delivering Bruce Forsyth’s redundancy notice whilst one’s there. — Elizabeth Windsor (@Queen_UK) June 7, 2013
basically, amusing names for books/films that do exist/should exist/should never exist. if you have your own, please share and other short stories…
There is a fine line between social networking and wasting your fucking life
Maybe I’m a dreamer, but I wish mental health care were as easy to get as, say, a gun. — Andy Borowitz (@BorowitzReport) December 14, 2012
Tips for living. An invoice for the best part of half a million is in the post.
Chief CEO & Managing Assistant President of Sexy Executives Inc.Meeting Room #4
Evil Orphan Ani™
Beyoncé almost looks as good in black as I do. Almost. #SuperBowl
— Darth Vader (@darthvader) February 4, 2013
Highlighting accidental Partridge on twitter
Established November 2009. Entirely unofficial & apparently imitated everywhere.
BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG — Big Ben (@big_ben_clock) June 11, 2013
My mother says that even as a child I rarely tweeted about poker.
You wake in the middle of the night. Harry Redknapp is under your bed, whispering quotes to a mouse. You remind yourself to lay more traps. — Betfair Poker (@Betfairpoker) June 13, 2013
Adam Hurrey’s crusade to analyse, in excruciating depth, the unique language of football
The line between “electing to punch” and “a nervy moment” is painfully thin for these poor, modern goalkeepers. — Football Clichés (@FootballCliches) June 8, 2013
A news network that supports Anonymous. As official accounts do not exist, we’re an Anonymous account amongst many.
Sharpen your pitchfork of positivity, for today The Positive Troll rides into battle. #positivetroll
Please buy my book, I owe people money
If you’ve ever wanted to be a fly on the wall ANYWHERE, you really need to buck your ideas up and show more ambition. — Sixth Form Poet (@sixthformpoet) June 13, 2013
Artist & Illustrator. Dogsbody, but human head. Peripheral visionary. Pest. Daddy to @archie_allain http://soundcloud.com/moosechoons
I know an old lady who swallowed a horse. In fact, we probably all do. — Moose Allain (@MooseAllain) February 14, 2013
THE KINGS OF LO-FI. Y U TAKE FOOTBALL SO SERIOUS?
Not long now until a bunch of repressed men get to ask sycophantic questions to a Portuguese chap with more enthusiasm than for any game. — The Football Ramble (@FootballRamble) June 10, 2013
This account is where I publish the shit that he says
“Valentine’s day is bullshit. Our DNA demands we fuck each other, so if you need a holiday to talk your wife into screwing you, it’s over.” — Justin (@shitmydadsays) February 8, 2012
Expert in the sport of soccer, especially the English EPL League. If you have a problem with my awesome soccer knowledge, block me. No time for soccer douches
A wicker basket filled with lemons.
I don’t take my diet too seriously. *plays pan flute on pack of hot dogs* — Nathan Buckley (@duplicitron) June 8, 2013
We are food lovers who are passionate about wellness
Betting news and banter served with a side of mischief by Paddy and team.
I never anticipated having the sort of job where I would be on the phone with someone and say, “I have to go. Ang Lee is on the other line.” — Bill Goodykoontz (@goodyk) October 26, 2012
Disalmanac: A Book of Fact-Like Facts
Today in 1870, Charles Dickens died. It was the best of funerals; it was the worst of funerals. — Disalmanac (@Disalmanac) June 9, 2013
I’m your dope-ass divinity, trollin’ with My trinity, tossin’ top tweets in your immediate vicinity, flingin’ fly phrases from the fringes of infinity.
John 3:16. Matthew 3:17. Luke 3:18. It was a very close race. — God (@TheTweetOfGod) June 11, 2013
Celebrating those uncomfortable family moments.
Mike Birbliglia: My shows are for self promotion. Twitter is where art happens.
The government told me how rarely you call your mom and frankly I’m disappointed. — Mike Birbiglia (@birbigs) June 8, 2013
The Millers, CBS
If you honk the second the light turns green, how grateful are you that Hitler prevents you from being the worst person in history? — Guy Endore-Kaiser (@GuyEndoreKaiser) June 13, 2013
Strengths: Stats. Weaknesses: Checking stuff
71% of mentions of the word ‘Adobe’ are in conjunction with the word ‘update’. — made-up stats (@madeupstats) June 10, 2013
Politely Hilarious. Hilariously Polite. Co-author of @SeinfeldToday Tough Mudder Runner, Sponsored by Wheaties Regular guy at firstname.lastname@example.org
“One Hit Wonder” is the most specific term that can encompass both To Kill a Mockingbird and Who Let The Dogs Out. — Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) June 12, 2013
A collection of universal energy. Mother of a bat, Theremiah Swinton.
I care not for dance. Of course, the entirety of humanity is involved in a complicated tango with the surface of the earth. — Tilda Swinton (@NotTildaSwinton) May 19, 2013
Amazing facts from the good people at mental_floss magazine.
The average British tourist gains eight pounds during a two-week trip to the U.S., according to a 2011 survey. — Mental Floss (@mental_floss) June 7, 2013
You can learn a lot of things everyday. When you doubt our facts, just Google it. Thank you.
There’s $79 trillion in the entire world. If this is distributed amongst the population of Earth, everyone will end up with $11,000. — GoogleFacts (@GoogleFacts) June 13, 2013
A collection of interesting facts and historical trivia about a variety of fun topics.
Americans eat around 17 billion quarts of popcorn every year. This amount would fill the Empire State Building 18 times. — Random Facts (@factsandtrivia) June 3, 2013
Past times include: buying and selling drugs and related paraphernalia, using drugs as well. Message me.
If anyone is interested, I am hosting a halloween party 8pm across the street from Prescott PD. Bring your best & most illegal drug — Not A Cop (@NotAPoliceman) October 30, 2012
Doing a science on the red planet. Not the real @MarsCuriosity.
I drove 3 meters yesterday… which doesn’t sound like much, but it’s still way more than you ever drove on Mars. — SarcasticRover (@SarcasticRover) June 12, 2013
The philosophy of Søren Kierkegaard mashed with the tweets and observations of Kim Kardashian.
Just chillin with my boo tonight! I permit him to enjoy my sensuality, even though he does not lift me to a higher spiritual plane. — KimKierkegaardashian (@KimKierkegaard) June 9, 2013
Sometimes I get confused, so I ask Siri…
Siri, is Amanda Bynes a performance artist? — Zooey Asks Siri (@ZooeySiri) June 3, 2013
This account is not affiliated to any ‘libertarian, non-racist’ organisations with a similar name
With the weight of immigrants causing Britain to sink into the sea, highlight your lack of gills as proof that evolution is a lefty myth — UpikTips (@UpikTips) June 12, 2013
it’s this weird, sexual, anti-comedy comedy that’s ‘in’ right now. – my mom
I just bought the NSA’s new app, Nineteen-Eighty-Foursquare — Megan Amram (@meganamram) June 12, 2013
Curated media + tech + pop newsfeed by @JasonHirschhorn. Volume 100+/day. Daily 40 story newsletter digest athttp://link.mediaredefined.com/join/353/mediaredefsubscribe?curator=MediaReDEF … – tips #tipsmediaredef
Homemade and hand-picked internet treasure. Seen something good? Tweet us.
My dad is 83 years old. I’m teaching him how to use the internet. I told him twitter was how to search things on Google. These tweets are what he’s searching.
— Norman N. (@oldmansearch) May 28, 2013
To take a quote from Steve Redgrave: If you ever catch me embedding tweets into a blog again you have permission to shoot me
— HarryTattersallsmith (@Harrytats) June 14, 2013